[PDF] Download ✓ The Amateurs | by Û John Niven

  • Title: The Amateurs
  • Author: John Niven
  • ISBN: 9780434017980
  • Page: 479
  • Format: Paperback

  • Gary Irvine is pretty happy in Ardgirvan, a small town on Scotland s west coast Only two things would improve his life children and a lower golf handicap Both are unlikely The former because Gary s wife Pauline is intent on leaving him as soon as she s snared Findlay Masterson, the self made carpet millionaire she s set her sights on And the latter because, frankly,Gary Irvine is pretty happy in Ardgirvan, a small town on Scotland s west coast Only two things would improve his life children and a lower golf handicap Both are unlikely The former because Gary s wife Pauline is intent on leaving him as soon as she s snared Findlay Masterson, the self made carpet millionaire she s set her sights on And the latter because, frankly, Gary is an appalling golfer.Far away from the world of golf handicaps, down in the murky depths of Ardgirvan s criminal underclass, Gary s hapless brother Lee is stumbling from one botched drug deal to another, his orbit drawing terrifyingly close to local crime overlord Ranta Campbell.Then Gary gets smashed on the head by a golf ball and knocked into a coma He wakes to find that the neurological trauma he s suffered has resulted in some pretty radical side effects among them an absolutely perfect golf swing He wins his local club championship He breaks the course record He qualifies for the OpenMeanwhile Pauline and Masterson have hit upon a plan to help him avoid a ruinously expensive divorce It s the kind of plan that ends with a funeral Their stories converge as the two brothers stumble into uncharted territory Lee towards murder and Gary teeing it up with his golfing hero, Calvin Linklater, the world number one, in the Open ChampionshipThe Amateurs is a hilarious examination of family and sport, of the ties that bind and how trying to put a little white ball in a hole can literally drive some men insane.
    John Niven
    Born in Irvine, Ayrshire, Niven read English Literature at Glasgow University, graduating in 1991 with First Class honours For the next ten years, he worked for a variety of record companies, including London Records and Independiente He left the music industry to write full time in 2002 and published his debut novella Music from Big Pink in 2005 Continuum Press The novella was optioned for the screen by CC Films with a script has been written by English playwright Jez Butterworth Niven s breakthrough novel Kill Your Friends is a satire of the music business, based on his brief career in AR, during which he passed up the chance to sign Coldplay and Muse The novel was published by William Heinemann in 2008 and achieved much acclaim, with Word magazine describing it as possibly the best British Novel since Trainspotting It has been translated into seven languages and was a bestseller in Britain and Germany Niven has since published The Amateurs 2009 , The Second Coming 2011 , Cold Hands 2012 and Straight White Male 2013.He also writes original screenplays with writing partner Nick Ball, the younger brother of British TV presenter Zo Ball His journalistic contributions to newspapers and magazines include a monthly column for Q magazine, entitled London Kills Me In 2009 Niven wrote a controversial article for The Independent newspaper where he attacked the media s largely complacent coverage of Michael Jackson s death.Niven lives in Buckinghamshire with his fiancee and infant daughter He has a teenage son from a previous marriage.

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    I don’t care about golf. At all. To badly paraphrase the late great George Carlin “imagine…hitting a ball. And then…HITTING IT AGAIN!” That’s pretty much how I feel about it.That said, this book is hilarious. I wish I’d written it.Gary Irvine is a horrible golfer with a cheating wife, a wannabe thug brother, and an eighteen handicap. One day, he hits an absolutely perfect shot…and at the same time is struck in the head by a golf ball. When he wakes up, he has the perfect swing, a [...]

    To most people, golf may not be the most exciting thing to read about. That, however, should not deter anyone from reading this book. It presents a fascinating narrative with striking humor, hard-core Scottish gangsters, and Tourette syndrome. Right off the bat, the main character, Gary Irvine, is introduced. He's just a regular Scottish guy, living in a middle-class house, with a passion for golf. The only problem is that he has the most horrible, abominable swing ever. However, he is married t [...]

    Having just read, and loved, The Second Coming - Click here to read my review - I was eager to read more John Niven, and I am pleased to confirm that The Amateurs is up to the same high standard.The usual ingredients, humour, good writing, great characters, originality and a pacy, increasingly compelling story, are all present and correct.One review on the book’s cover makes this unlikely claim: “believe it or not, this novel makes golf look interesting” and somewhat surprisingly I have to [...]

    Jim Thornton
    Well - if you want to have people looking at you, then go and read this book in public. I did and startled everyone by chortling out loud several times. I found this one of the funniest reads I've had in a long time, and would recommend it. I guess some people who are not golfers may find some elements of that a bit hard going but certainly worth putting that to one side. Some may find the language "interesting" in it, particular as the swearing is written in Scottish venacular which means non S [...]

    Nic Margett
    Let me start by saying, I'm not a fan of golf, not by a long shot. I really don't feel you have to be to enjoy this book. I think it probably helps more to understand Scottish patter and humour. This really is a funny book, I'm not usually one for laughing out loud while reading, mostly the odd snort or chuckle, but this one had me crying with laughter in parts. Add on top of that a solid story with some interesting characters and you have one brilliant book.

    Lubinka Dimitrova
    3,5 stars. And that's because of the narrator. I don't mind swearing, but when your protagonist has a head injury and only manages to utter a meaningful word or two between all the cursing, OK, it gets boring. I'll give the author another chance, though. I still hope to find the lol passages I've been hearing so much about.

    Craig Dickson
    This was fantastic. Absolutely hilarious, gripping, a total page turner. Very dark and filthy but with great characters and real laughs. I was stifling actuaLOLs on public transport while reading it, tremendous.

    Top drawer stuff. A sublime read. Wickedly funny. And now onto John's other books.

    Solid readThis took me a while to get into it but it was a solid story. Not as good as Kill Your Friends which remains Niven's best by far but still enjoyable.

    Stayed away from this for a while because of the golf. But glad I finally gave in. Niven is at his debauched best in this family-feuding, shocking, funny, cringing rip-roarer.

    One of the funniest books I've read and I'm not even in to golf.

    Paris Doran
    This is not at all the kind of book I'd choose to read, but it was given to me by a friend and I absolutely loved it!The accents and the golf were hilarious and I loved the ending

    Daniel Lee
    John Niven's books are a first to me and I think it left a good impression. While searching endlessly for an interesting book to read in my local library, this one caught my attention becuase, honestly, it was on the shelf of fresh books. The story is about an Irish golfer who has an eighteen handicap. Simply speaking, he gets hit by a flying 184/mph golfball on the right temple. After that, he has three conditions. A constant erection, cursing, and a perfect swing. He competes in his local town [...]

    While on my search for a new book to read I came across an oldie but goodie that I've read countless times - The Amateurs by John Niven. If I was to make a list of the all-time funniest books I've ever read, this'd be high on the list.I bought this way back in 2009 (I think?) after reading the blurb and knowing it was for me. This was back when I still bought paperbacks, and I imported it from the UK because I couldn't wait for shops in Australia to carry it.I'm not a golfer, but you don't have [...]

    Pour les lecteurs qui aiment qu'un livre les tienne en haleine de la première à la dernière page.Pour les lecteurs qui aiment le golf, et aiment le golf et aiment le golf.Pour le plaisir de la langue, celui que le lecteur éprouve à reconnaître l'accent écossais dans les dialogues (très, très drôle).Pour ces trois raisons, le roman de John Niven est fort réussi, contient une intrigue très bien ficelée, aussi farfelu et incroyable le parcours de Gary soit-il. Imaginez, un golfeur, pas [...]

    Sean Kelly
    I enjoyed reading a new author (for me). The plot was reasonably entertaining: terrible golfer (I can relate) gets hit in head, becomes golf savant, plays his way to final round of British Open. There are some back-stories here also, which give the book its edgy feel (not to mention a good percentage of its profanity). I liken the style to a Scottish version of the American author Christopher Moore, but with more salty dialogue (in some instances, such as the gangsters in the novel, this seems a [...]

    Justin Tonna
    Laugh out loud funny. Beautifully crafted. Larger than life characters. And a can't put down plot that makes you feel everyone is on one mighty collision course. The book gives us a glimpse in to the life of amateur golfer Gary Irvine. Now I don't play golf. I don't follow sport, but everything is wonderfully written it makes no difference with this book. Niven is a very talented writer and a master of his craft. If you want to learn how to create great characters, read this book as an example. [...]

    Gavin Broom
    This was my first exposure to John Niven's work and after a slowish start, I was pretty impressed and laughed out loud several times. The world Niven's characters inhabit is pretty straightforward. There are goodies and baddies and everyone's motives are simple. All this makes this makes for a quick, easy, enjoyable read.Gary is a regular Scottish bloke. His wife is bored with him. His brother's on the road to ruin with the local crimelords. His golf game sucks. When a freak accident out on the [...]

    Never thought that golf could be so much fun! I read the book in 2 days, it was enthralling from start to finish. Set in Scotland (golf country), the story is about unlikely hero Gary Irvine, who sucks at golf, but after he gets hit by a golf ball, his golf playing is suddenly fantastic. Unfortunately, he has also developed Tourette's syndrome. At the same time, his wife wants to leave him, and his brother is becoming a full-blown criminal. It all comes together in a gripping golf tournament in [...]

    The most offensive thing about this Christopher Brookmyre rip off is not the violence, the foul language or the mind numbingly tediousness of the golf which even satire can't make interesting, it is the mining of Tourette's syndrome for cheap laughs. If the author had cracked a book or even Googled a page on TS then he would have realised that the number of Tourette's sufferers who fuckshitcuntingbawbag is a tiny fraction of the total.It is cheap, lazy and beneath a writer that produced such exc [...]

    A good fun, quick book to read. Although it might it might take longer if you struggle with the Ayrshire dialect in places, I finished it on one train journey. The satire isn't as cutting as Brookmyre but Irvine keeps the pace of play rattling along nicely by weaving several subplots together and cutting between them to build tension. I hadn't read anything else by John Nice and picked this mainly based on the subject of golf, and the reviews on . Will be looking out for more of his work now.

    Even as a satirical plot device, the golf in this book is as tedious as it is in real life.The most offensive thing about this book was not the sub-Brookmyre-esque Scottish gansgter-lit but the appropriation of Tourette's Syndrome as a humour device. Only a small fraction of those with TS fall into the fuckshitwankbollocks catagory of involuntary swearing yet Niven uses his character's suffering like an adolescent boy draws a cock and balls for cheap laughs. A shame really because Niven has prov [...]

    I wasn't able to finish this novel. I borrowed it from the library, and could only get to 21% finished with it before I had to stop. I didn't find it very interesting, and I could not find any attachment to any of the many, many characters. So when a mobster used a golf club to explode some poor dudes balls, I completely lost any interest in what happened next. Not that this novel is too violent; I grew up reading early Stephen King. But golf, and the lead characters interested me about as much [...]

    I've had a filthy cold for the last few days and this was the perfect read to cheer me up. Do you need to be a golf fan to enjoy it? No, definitely not. All you need is a broad sense of humour. Part farce, part sports novel, part thriller, it's a roller coaster ride with some great characters and mad set ups. I don't want to tell you more, I want you to enjoy it for yourself. John Niven is easily one of the funniest and filthiest writers around. So unless you are a po-faced dullard from Dullsvil [...]

    Sam Klemens
    I really enjoyed this novel. I think Niven is awesome and so funny! I thought the story progressed nicely, it kept me interested and ended strong. The whole thing wasn't quite as funny as Kill Your Friends but still worth reading. I liked it better than The Second Coming. Knowing nothing of golf other than I'm terrible at it, I thought this was an cool book to read. I got to learn about golf from an infuriated sportsmen perspective. It's a nice read, I recommend it.

    Hilarious, and dark, shady businessmen and wee neds in Ayrshire. Crackling descriptions and dialogue - "Lee Irvine - a real Ayrshireman, an unreconstructed product of the old school- was what his mother affectionately termed a 'plain eater'. Which is to say that he was a thirty-five-year-old man with the palate of a fussy toddler".Some violence too - not all laughs - an excellent read

    I love this book! Not many people can make golf interesting but John Niven succeeds in abundance. If I wasn't such a kick-ass meanie I'd probably give it a 5. Only I feel have to ration those to holier than thou classics which, if they aren't already on the A' Level syllabus, will be very soon. Groan.

    Gilad Tiefenbrun
    I laughed out loud while reading this more times than any other book I've read in the past several years.I'm glad it didn't go all weird like Kill Your Friends, and surprised that it didn't get predictable. John Niven is a much better writer than Christopher Brookmyre, whose books I'm reading at the same time.

    John Niven is heir apparent to Irvine Welsh. This novel captures Scottish charm and edge, the good and the bad. Main character Gary is a good guy but terrible golfer until an accident changes his luck. Of course, there's also a price to pay for his new gift, namely Tourette's syndrome and chronic masturbation. This book is amusing, scandalous, and delightful. Would definitely recommend.

    Dave Ross
    A must for rank Amateurs.Seldom have I laughed out loud , I wouldn't entertain using a lol, this book had people in the same space staring curiously as they tried to fathom out my doubled up belly laughs. Like a west of Scotland first year hearing their first phrase including "saw bag". This is a side achingly funny read. A must for long suffering third class hackers.

    • [PDF] Download ✓ The Amateurs | by Û John Niven
      479 John Niven
    • thumbnail Title: [PDF] Download ✓ The Amateurs | by Û John Niven
      Posted by:John Niven
      Published :2018-08-10T08:52:46+00:00