[PDF] Download ↠ The Unmentionables | by ï Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson

  • Title: The Unmentionables
  • Author: Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson
  • ISBN: null
  • Page: 101
  • Format: Kindle Edition

  • From the warped mind of Lance Carbuncle comes another genre defying tale of mayhem, madness, and revenge When a portal to the netherworld spews noxious fumes over an entire town, the villagers are collectively driven mad and direct their murderous rage toward one outcast youth With almost the whole town set against him, Greg Samsa does the only thing he can, turning to hFrom the warped mind of Lance Carbuncle comes another genre defying tale of mayhem, madness, and revenge When a portal to the netherworld spews noxious fumes over an entire town, the villagers are collectively driven mad and direct their murderous rage toward one outcast youth With almost the whole town set against him, Greg Samsa does the only thing he can, turning to his deceased grandfather s occult paraphernalia to help defend himself In the attic of his dilapidated family mansion, Greg builds an army of reanimated fetal pigs, stoner lunkhead servants, flying piss monkeys, and raccoon bodyguards Greg has taken all that he can stand The villagers want him and his family gone It s all headed for a savage, gore splattered showdown between good and evil in small town Ohio.
    Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson
    The Dr Reverend Lance Carbuncle was born sometime during the last millennium and he s been getting bigger, older and uglier ever since Carbuncle is an ordained minister with the Church of Spiritual Humanism Carbuncle doesn t eat deviled eggs and he doesn t drink cheap beer Carbuncle doesn t wear sock garters Carbuncle does tell stories Carbuncle s stories are channeled through a pathetic little man who has to work a respectable job during the days in order to feed the infestation of children in his house Carbuncle s first novel, Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed, his award winning Grundish and Askew, Sloughing Off the Rot, and his recently released The Unmentionables are sold through and Barnesandnoble More reviews of Carbuncle s books can be found on and Barnesandnoble.


    "Desperate wishes from injured souls just might have enough strength to come true."We've all heard tales of bullied teens being pushed too far, in fiction, and sadly, in real life, but Carbunkle takes us into Bizarro territory with his much maligned protagonist, Greg Samsa. Poor Greg, everyone's favorite punching bag, suddenly finds at his disposal an army of attack raccoons, some resurrected fetal baby pigs, and a truly disturbing regiment of eight-legged sea monkey things. Oh, yeah - Greg's ma [...]

    Bizarro fiction! Gotta love bizarro fiction.On the one hand, we've got a pretty fun and funny coming of age YA replete with bullies, bullying, stink fingers, and wildly inappropriate multiple mentioning of unmentionables. The characters are top notch underdogs against the world and so many of the names are brilliant and paint great pictures. Hello, Mister Manlove! (Coach) or the Spanish Teacher Mr. French. :) We're treated to so much careful buildup and dark humor, and then *wham* the book takes [...]

    I hate those fucking assholes who review their own books.

    The​ ​house​ ​where​ ​Greg​ ​lives​ ​has​ ​a​ ​long​ ​and​ ​bizarre​ ​history,​ ​stuff​ ​of​ ​legend​ ​in​ ​the​ ​small​ ​town​ ​of Findlay.​ ​It’s​ ​constantly​ ​shifting​ ​interior​ ​structure​ ​assures​ ​that​ ​there​ ​is​ ​always​ ​something​ ​new​ ​to discover.​ ​Never​ ​able​ ​to​ ​keep​ ​a​ ​room​ ​for​ ​himself​ ​very​ ​long [...]

    David Katzman
    ​The Unmentionables is quite apropos. Bullies are topical because the President of the United States is a bully. This is a story about the physical and emotional violence of bullying as well as a revenge fantasy that satisfies one's inner need to end this abuse once and for all.The main character's name is Greg Samsa, which is a reference to Gregor Samsa from The Metamorphosis. They both transform, and the transformation is intended to highlight and explore the psychological abuse that comes f [...]

    Lance Carbuncle transforms words into weapons – a furious onslaught of vulgarities that are wickedly full of heart, they squeeze the air right out of you, a literary chokehold. In The Unmentionables, Lance turns his attention to small town bullying. Greg Samsa's family never quite fit in, and as Greg begins to tire of running and hiding from classmate and big-time school bully Wade and his gooney side-kicks, strange things begin to follow. When he uncovers his grandfather's carney paraphenalia [...]

    The only book I had read by the Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle was Grundish and Askew and I loved that, a violent, funny and bizarre story so I was really happy to see he had a new book. If you were ever bullied at school, then this book is a must read for you, the ultimate revenge book. If you were a bully at school, or thinking of a career in school bullying then read this as a warning.Lance hits the nail on the head with the bizarre story, a magical house that alters itself depending on it's mo [...]

    3.5 StarsHaving read Grundish and Askew and Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed (and loving both of them), I jumped at the chance to read this one by Lance Carbuncle.Some of the same elements from the author's previous books are here -- the characters are at the lower end of the socioeconomic strata, lots and lots of weird stuff happens (much weirder in this book than the others, IMO), and there are several phrases that might very well make you gag. (I'm still haunted by th [...]

    Donald Armfield
    There is something going on in Findlay. A house of Unmentionable recreation lurks in a neighborhood of nosey neighbors. There is something about the man who bops his way down the street to music only he can hear. Greg a bullied teenager from schoolyard bullies finally shows these punks what it's like to be bullied in means of death. A cross between "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" & A Mad Scientist, comes an animal ballistic tale of bizarre happenings and revenge. Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle h [...]

    Miguel Bizarre
    Once again the author of the incredible book Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed: Lance Carbuncle brings forth a brutal story that will make you recall the horrors or middle/Jr. High school (depending what region you grew up in)Immediately into the prologue you are grabbed into a vivid harsh setting that will make you tilt your head backwards wondering what is going on.Yet you’ll be drawn right back into the violence as the words form beautiful sentences describing the ev [...]

    Four and a half stars.Very few authors have such an crazy sense of imagination as Lance Carbuncle. Strange going-ons, weird characters and nightmare creatures abound in his four novels. Whether it is the Brautiganesque world of Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed, The sociopathic cousins a la Mice and Men in Grundish and Askew, or the Hieronymus Bosch meets William S. Burroughs landscape of Sloughing off the Rot, Carbuncle's novels are all different but alike in his unique [...]

    Lance Carbuncle doesn't write nice normal fiction. Each book he writes weaves in a variety of styles so you get a jarring read that jumps from horror, to bizarro. When I was given to opportunity to review The Unmentionables I dove right in and his latest novel doesn't dissapoint. The book is full of characters that hover just on the fringes of society and given a chance to shine. In any other book, these would be side characters, but in Carbuncle's book they're the stars. The story itself is exa [...]

    Engrossing with an emphasis on grotesque.Every once in a while you read a book that takes you back to the unpleasantness of schools with their bullies, locker rooms, and that sordid underbelly where students hide their truths from their parents and teachers. The Unmentionables is a painful reminder of being a victim, unless you were the bully in which case you wouldn’t read this book because you’re far too dimwitted. Greg Samsa is one such victim, tormented by two trios of bullies. Painfully [...]

    Full disclosure: the author gave me a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review, so here it goes.I was not expecting this at all.By now I'm kind of used to Carbuncle's style of bizarro fiction, over-the-top situations and colourful language. However, I was not expecting to be so moved, and I was. Unlike his previous work, this seems more personal, more honest. Some parts of this book were painful to read, the depictions of bullying were way too graphic and extreme, but knowing that this [...]

    One thing is certain, you never get the same thing twice when you read Lance Carbuncle. THE UNMENTIONABLES is Carbuncle working in horror mode. And while you never know what you're going to get with Lance Carbuncle, the voice of the story is always, unquestionably, Lance Carbuncle. No one else could have written this book.This was not my favorite Reverend Carbuncle book. I can't put my finger on exactly why. Perhaps it lacked that certain level of weirdness I've come to enjoy. That doesn't mean [...]

    This is a very engaging tale set in the quaint town of Findlay, where something seems not quite right. Our hero, Greg is this scrawny little boy with abnormally big eyes which have earned him the nickname E.T. bestowed upon him by his cruel schoolmates. While kids usually get bullied just by schoolmates, the agony continues for E.T. Greg at his own home where his elder brother torments him as bad, if not worse, than the school bullies. But his house has many secrets. And those secrets take him d [...]

    Ryan Gage
    Greg Samsa is a teenage outcast in the small town of Findlay, Ohio. He is a constant target for bullying and abuse at the hands of his classmates, his teachers, other townspeople and even his own brother. One gang of bullies led by Wade Busby, seems especially intent on making life hell for Greg and his only two friends Jim and Kelsey. One day, while wandering the family’s old and decrepit mansion, Greg, Jim and Kelsey stumble upon an attic full of strange relics left behind by his carnie gran [...]

    Scott Carpenter
    The back of the book says, “From the warped mind of Lance Carbuncle comes another genre-defying tale of mayhem and madness.” And that’s a good place to start. If you haven’t had the opportunity to get inside and walk around in the mind of the Reverend Dr. Lance Carbuncle’s warped mind you should really treat yourself and pick up a copy of his newest book, The Unmentionables. Once you’re inside his head, though, be careful where you step. I am absolutely certain that there are hidden [...]

    Must Be MentionedI first read Lance Carbuncle about 8 years ago when searching for a book a for little ole book club in Goliad, Texas that consisted of a elementary school teacher, a special ed diagnostics, a PhD professor at an university, a church secretary, and myself. I chose Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked, and Spewed, for two basic reasons, the title and the pen name. How could I not love his writing? This preamble is to further express my adoration for Lance's style of writ [...]

    Jason Pettus
    DECLINED TO REVIEW. I'm a fan of the talented bizarro author Lance Carbuncle, and am always happy to take a look at the latest work from his delightfully demented mind; but unfortunately his newest, the surprisingly straightforward The Unmentionables, is in actuality not much more than a Young Adult coming-of-age story with some supernatural elements laid on top of it, and CCLaP has a policy of not accepting YA stories for review. I would normally recommend that you read it anyway, if you yourse [...]

    Lance Carbuncle is one of my favorite authors so I went into reading The Unmentionables with pretty high expectations. I was not disappointed. It’s fast-paced, funny, weird, gross, and very creatived yet, it’s classy. Someone who’s read a lot of literature will pick up on the deeper themes beneath the weirdness. I’m not sure if this should be classified under Bizarro or Literature, but I do know that you should read it.

    This is my third book from Mr. Carbuncle and I have to say, "The hits just keep coming."After bragging to my wife about how much fun and how crazy the first two books were I decided we should read this one together. She's hooked. We both laughed our asses off every night as I read this absurd, scatological tale of a boy pushed to far. All the characters were memorable and some were so archetypal that they put the reader right back in the shark pool of high school. This really makes it sounds lik [...]

    This being the first of its kind book for me to read, I felt overwhelmed and pissed and irritated; but engrossed in thia book anyway. At some points, the description given by the author just made me want to gag right there and then. Still, the story was quite interesting with ask the weirdness going on, I would say this was written by someone who was high at the moment but it is just too detailed and well written to be so. (It's a compliment). What I have to say about this book is that it was de [...]

    A truly wonderful twisted tale of vengeance! I was entertained from the opening of the book and was laughing the whole way through. I have a pretty twisted sense of humor in general but I feel the author did a fantastic job of using sarcasm to ease the reader into some of the darker aspects of the book. Overall, one of the most entertaining books that I have read in a while and plan to read more of Lance's works in the future.

    This book is brilliant!

    Ron Frampton
    a book of mayhem and madness

    Strangely this is both Carbuncle's best writing and his least developed story. I'm holding out hope that his next work will be even better.

    • [PDF] Download ↠ The Unmentionables | by ï Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson
      101 Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson
    • thumbnail Title: [PDF] Download ↠ The Unmentionables | by ï Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson
      Posted by:Lance Carbuncle Joseph Tomlinson
      Published :2019-02-03T03:03:59+00:00